Singapore- A Fine City

When I was a kid, I would sometimes talk with friends about the heavy handed punishments for criminal acts in other countries. These days, rape victims being stoned to death for their "crimes" in some backwards corner of the globe are more in the forefront of my own, as well as the collective, consciousness. However, my 12 year old self didn't think of such heavy topics. Instead, we were concerned with stories about Singapore.

Back then, I heard through a friend, whose cousin's step-uncle did a semester in Singapore (I assure you that this was a reliable source), that in Singapore, if you steal something, they chop the hand off that you stole with (ouch!). I also heard that you can't chew gum (gasp!), and if you do, they cut your tongue off (double gasp!). I remember thinking what a weird place Singapore was - what a fanciful and far away place for a 12 year old in NW Chicago ...


Nearly 18 years later, I'm a (seemingly) grown ass man (although the voice in my head is still 12 years old, and so is yours. Be honest.) sitting with my wife and few new German and Swiss German friends at a table at the night market in Kota Bharu, Malaysia, when the topic of Singapore comes up. The Swiss German guy, who just finished medical school and is going to be a brain surgeon (this fact obviously makes him reliable), says that his cousin's friend (I shit you not) is a graffiti artist (cool), and he went to Singapore specifically to tag up (that is, paint on) a train, knowing full well that he'll probably be castrated for it, or something like that.

Fast forward a few weeks, and I'm in Malacca, Malaysia, talking with an Indian orthopedist, traditional ayurverdic doctor, owner/host of the guest house we're staying in, AND a legal resident of Singapore, who told a story where he was harassed by Singaporean police for spitting in the sewer. He got a lungful of drywall and primer dust after walking into an office that was under construction, ran outside coughing a fit, and, being unable to find a trashcan, he kneeled down in the street and spit. An officer of the peace saw this, and my host was forced to answer his questions and incriminate himself.

When I asked how exactly was he forced to give any explanation, he answered ominously that in Singapore, one does not simply refuse to speak to police officers. Hearing this, I was proud of the 5th Ammendment to the US Constitution, which begins

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury ...

A quick search of Wikipedia reveals some interesting facts about the criminal law of Singapore (since it's a source that can be edited by anyone at any time, it must be true, amiright?):

... there is a perception that Singapore society is highly regulated through the criminalization of many activities which are considered as fairly harmless in other countries. These include failing to flush toilets after use, littering, jaywalking, the possession of pornography, the sale of chewing gum, and sexual activity; such as oral and anal sex between men.  

Anyway, fast forward a few days, and Agnes and I are once again walking across a border, but this time to Singapore! I needed to see this place for myself. Off the bat, on the customs form that we fill out, we begin to see signs of Singapore's draconian legal system ...

On the trains, we noticed the quite hefty fines for eating, drinking, and the oddly singled out durian fruit:

Singapore is watching ...

 Oh Shit! I didn't do it!

I guess shop owners can hang up their own unofficial signs?

On the train again ...

Local entrepreneurs and t-shirt salesman fully embrace their countries laws:

I'm (maybe not so) obviously dancing around some heavy questions, and I almost feel like writing some well thought out essay on the philosophy of law and punishment, but I'm feeling a bit intellectually lazy. Maybe if I wasn't on vacation, and I wasn't drinking beer, and if I was in school and this was due for a grade, or if I was getting paid to do it, I would write it. Instead, I'll simply leave you with this:

Singapore, as far as cities go, is PRISTINE, and a pleasure to visit.

Also, the Swiss brain surgeon's cousin's friend did in fact get caught, and got 20 public lashings for it.

To see more pics like the above, check out our Singapore album.